


The Consequences of Sugar and Idiocy Combined

by noreek101



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Gen, Hinata and Oikawa are partners in crime, Poor Kags, Sugar, poor Kei too
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-26
Updated: 2016-07-26
Packaged: 2018-07-26 19:12:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7586506
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noreek101/pseuds/noreek101
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"What idiot," Tsukishima snarled, "thought it would be a good idea to give these morons sugar?"</p>
<p>"I JUST WANT YOU TO BE UNHEALTHY! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Consequences of Sugar and Idiocy Combined

"We're going on a trip--"

Kageyama groaned. "Shut _up_ \--!"

"--in our favorite rocket ship, zooming through the skies! Little Einsteins!" Oikawa sang. 

Hinata chimed in: "Climb aboard, get ready to explore! There's so much to find!"

At the top of their lungs, they both shouted, "LITTLE EINSTEINS!"

Kageyama cradled his head in his hands, already assuming a fetal position. 

"Knock knock!" Oikawa said. 

"Who's there?" asked Hinata. 

"Do we."

"Do we who?"

"Do we whoooooooo! Dooooo weee dooooooo!" Oikaw raced around the room, flapping his arms as if they were wings. "I'M A TARDIS!"

"What idiot," Tsukishima snarled, "thought it would be a good idea to give these morons _sugar_?"

✂️

"Kageyaaaaaaaaama! Kags Kaggey Kag Kag Kaggsa Kag Kag--"

"SHUT UP!" Kageyama yelled. "I'M TRYING TO SLEEP!"

"Bakageyama!" Hinata shot back. "You're so booooring! Boring boring boring bor--"

Kageyama tackled the orange-haired decoy with an enraged roar. 

✂️

"Hey, Tsukki-chan. Hm.... No, that's too boring. Ooh! Kei-chan! Kei-chan! Kei-ity-chan-chan! I'mma call you that from now on!"

Tsukishima smiled thinly. "Which finger shall I chop off first?"

✂️

Kageyama tore through the house, his eyes wide with terror. Hinata was hot on his heels, an evil smile crossing the ginger's face as he offered a half-eaten box of chocolates with an outstretched arm. 

"Come on, Kageyama!" Hinata yelped. "You know you want them!"

"GET THOSE AWAY FROM ME, YOU DUMBASS!"

"Neeeeever! Come on, Grand King, let's corner him!"

Kageyama regretted ever introducing the two. They were like a couple of demon spawn. 

And oh, _wonderful_ , now Oikawa was chasing him as well. 

Kageyama darted over to the closet and jammed himself in. He breathed a silent sigh of relief when the demon duo didn't wrench the door open. Maybe they didn't see him go in? Hopefully.

"King, would you mind getting your feet off of my hands?" a dry, tart voice drawled. 

Slowly turning his head to the direction of the Voice, Kageyama faced the most horrifying sight he would ever come across, dim as it was. 

Squished against the wall was Tsukishima "I'm-an-Asshole" Kei himself. 

Needless to say, Kageyama screamed. Or began to, anyway--Tsukishima's hand effectively blocked any sound when slapped against Kageyama's face. 

It also blocked air. 

Kageyama shoved the hand away. "What was that f--?!"

"Shut up!" Tsukishima hissed. "Do you _want_ them to find us?"

The door flew open and both boys were tackled by a flurry of brown and orange. 

Oikawa pinned Kageyama down, shoving the blue-eyed setter's arms down against the floor. Hinata hung onto Tsukishima like a bulldog sinking its teeth into its prey (that is, if its prey was a lucifer dogfish flip-flopping on the dock). 

"Eat it!" Hinata screeched, trying to shove a piece of chocolate into Tsukishima's mouth. "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE UNHEALTHY! IT'S FOR YOUR OWN GOOD!"

"Get! Off!" Tsukishima yelled. "YOU IMBECILIC WASTE OF OXYGEN!"

"Join me, Tobio-chan! Turn to the Sugar High, and we'll rule the volleyball court as senpai and kouhai!"

Kageyama flailed around (as much as one could while being pinned against the floor), trying to avoid the deadly chocolate. "I don't want to rule the volleyball court with you! We aren't even on the same team, dumbass! Ahhhh! Noooo! GET IT AWAY! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE! I HAVEN'T EVEN GONE TO NATIONALS YET!"

"I'LL HELP YOU GO TO NATIONALS IF YOU EAT THE CHOCOLATE!" Oikawa screamed. 

"I'm allergic to chocolate," Tsukishima tried, struggling with all his strength (who knew such a tiny bird could clench so hard?).

Hinata only held on tighter, shrieking, "THEN YOU JUST HAVE TO EAT MORE OF IT SO YOU BECOME IMMU--IMMI--IMUCUSIZED!"

"IMMUNIZED, YOU DOLT!" 

Hinata smiled creepily, his eyes glowing (apparently nonplussed by the insult). "Soon you will become one of us...."

With those ominous words, he finally succeeded in shoving the chocolate into Tsukishima's mouth. 

Tsukishima paled, then turned the most hideous mixture of pea green and crimson. 

Kageyama stared with horror as Tsukishima began to choke, grasping at his rapidly swelling throat. 

Hinata sat back, cocking his head. "Huh. So you really are allergic to chocolate. Is that why you like strawberry? Everything makes sense now!"

By now, Tsukishima was curling up on the floor, his eyes glazed. 

Oikawa burst up. "I shall save you, Kei-chan! EPI PEN! I SUMMON THEE!" With that, he dashed off in search of the elusive EPI pen. 

But not before shoving a square of chocolate into Kageyama's mouth, of course. 

Kageyama began to spit it out but accidentally choked on it at the horrific scene in front of him. Hinata was shoveling more chocolate into Tsukishima's mouth!

Kageyama tackled him. 

"No! Kageyama! He must be imucusized! Otherwise he'll never be able to eat chocolate!"

"THAT'S NOT HOW IT WORKS, DUMBASS!"

✂️

Fifteen minutes later, EPI penned and back to his usual sour self, Tsukishima glared at the three idiots in front of him. " _Which one of you should I kill first_?"

Hinata and Oikawa ran away screaming. 

"HE'S EVEN SCARIER THAN IWA-CHAN!" Oikawa cried at the same time Hinata wailed, "HE'S EVEN WORSE THAN DAICHI-SAN!"

Tsukishima narrowed his eyes, and Kageyama gulped. 

" _So it's you who will die today, King_?"

"Dumbass! I tried to help you!"

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact that you are most welcome to skip:  
> Sugar highs don't actually exist. In fact, once consumed and digested, sugar produces a calming effect throughout the body that subjects it to sleepiness. So a sugar high is basically a person trying to stay awake via means of extreme hyperactivity, which is probably why people with ADHD or other hyperactivity disorders become tired when they consume sugar. All of us become tired; those with the aforementioned disorders simply accept it due to already being naturally hyperactive.


End file.
